Kamis, 30 Oktober 2014

30 October 2014

Hi dear diary,

It turns out today i found out that my ass manager is having a relationship with the people i love, i care and i like the most. and it does feel so HURTTTTTT.... it does. it is like thrust your heart directly. I do ask that why the person i love not choosing me,. i don't even have a chance to said out loud. It does a very stupid and immature feeling am i. Life is a journey. Full of rocks, some of it might tearing out your skin, someone is just some rocks. What am i doing now is stepping a really sharp gravel. It is so SHARP and it will bleed, it does bleed in the deepest of my heart. And my ass manager come to me with 'AN ANGER' which i don't expect to accept it.

My friend told me that if i really love someone i have to let them GO. if you asked me i will said of course not. but i have to try to let them go. people say that love is red and full of colors. I don't think so, for me LOVE IS BLACK right now.

Do i have to say this to people i like even they are relationship? i don't EXPECT anything or even ACTION from them. i do only need them to know that i have feeling for them. The word will be like this

Hi, i don't know what it started i just feel comfy and happy when i am around you even beside you, making you smile is one of my target day by day. I know you have been in relationship with the people i trust the most for 8 years and he had chosen to dumped me as a friend and you as a boyfriend. i don't want to ruin your relationship with him. i just want you to know that i was crying almost 2 months in a row along my journey from office to house. almost everyday. i have to pretend i don't know anything in front of you guys, reality sucks and fuck,,,,, he might be the best people you had along your life,. but i cried that why i didn't have a fucking chance to express my feeling. love always not on my side. But anyway thanks a lot for filling my page with laughter and smile. even black stain is the stain you left in my pages rite now, but that's okay i will accept it as a human, From the deepest of my heart is wishing you happiness and congratulation to you. I really do. i have to pray for your both happiness. but if you asked me are you serious? i will say hell yeah,. For the first time of course NOT. is fucking not easy, but i have to a bigger people a bigger people. that's memory will always stuck in my mind forever even i can't have the love..


Sabtu, 25 Oktober 2014

My love Life

Hi blogger,

I am ken, i am 31 years old, today i still very sad. i do... i don't know what should i do. when people in love, they will cry and feel upset all the time. Feeling sometimes God is not fair, The world is not in my side, Why my love life do sucks all the time. Why i can't get my own happiness? Wind goes by and time still ticking, I am still here, alone. the person i like always choose the other people or reject me.... why? why? why? why NOT ME,,,, i angry to myself, My anger is spreading the world. I want to let people know, i do always wanna find my own happiness, but what do i get? nothing, everything is just broken into pieces. Diamond is always at the top but what i have is not even the broken pieces of diamond, a broken and damage stone. Should i blame the people. Would i get more confident, i do.. feeling insecure is one of my feeling all the time. Afraid of what? afraid of not getting happy, not getting relationship. 31 years is not a short period. I do cry all the time and blaming myself, why why why why why? I try to find it the answer through my friend. but they are just not a "Sugar-coat". Some of my friends said MOVE ON. oh yeah it's so easy to be talked and spoken out loud. are they me? They are not. they are just a people also. they don't really know what i am feeling rite now. i do cry at the bathroom and try to brainwash myself, stating that i deserve a better people. but what is the fact? i don't have anything to be declare. sigh.. should i say good bye love? Will i always be single? Even cats and dogs have relationship. Me now? only the wind and the sun and the universe are here. i will always be alone. When i need friend, i do hope that they will be myside 24-7 ....again i have to pass today with continuing to fake myself. talking to myself that whatever the things happened i have to forget him. He is happy with someone else. I have to wish them happiness. Even my heart will be broken into gazillions of pieces. Good bye happiness.....